Thursday

Bed rest has ended. Probably one of the most mentally challenging times I've been through. It was dark, and daunting, and border line depressed until today.
Last night, a dear friend prayed for me, later, Fletch prayed... and today after breakfast... I could walk and stand for more than 5 minutes without excruciating pain. My mind cleared. There was no slow recovery, it was just gone. God is good.
After testing I've learned I can function pretty normal for about 30 minutes on my feet. AWESOME!
And instead of Docs I finally had a midwife again, and she was was a complete blessing. Describing and explaining everything to me with tips and techniques to relieve pain. As it turns out, this stuff is gonna stick till the end, but as long as I take it easy, it won't be the severity that it has been. And so far, no absolute restrictions to stay on a couch.

So we celebrated today with a picnic outback and a small trip to Joanns to get some needed fabrics to make some specialties for Mama and new bean. I'm finally going to get some things done around here.... the anticipation for doing that is amazing, and my fingers and body are itching to get things rolling.

the one I love

This week we have been blessed by our friends. We've had an amazing meal every night and some company to boot! I've realized that although I am indeed going stir crazy, the girls are too. Not seeing people is tough and staying put in the house, we can't even play outside, is even tougher. So fresh faces made their days, yesterday and today!

Fletch is sick, so we are taking up shifts. I love doing this chaotic, dependent, tough time, with him. I am constantly reminded of how blessed we are to be such a good team. Where one of us lacks, the other is strong. I remember when we got married, people would tell us how hard marriage is, and then some disgruntled comment about why its awful. Then thinking, wow, really? Thanks for the encouragement.
Marriage, in my opinion is work. Definitely not deserving of the overarching 'hard' title that so many automatically paste onto your marriage licence. And yes, there are seasons that are much tougher than others, but truly when our eyes and hearts are set on Christ, we've seen slices of bliss as to what God intended marriage to be. I say slices, because who we are in Him, and knowing how to love with each other is constantly growing. So I know, that as amazing as Fletch is, how he loves me, how he provides, and fights for me and the girls, is only on this continual upward line.And I know that I am ever changing too. So, I can't even imagine 10 years from now or 50. God has already given us an amazing love,for each other and ways to speak to each other's hearts. Our foundations are deep, committed, and strong with obvious growth of love and understanding in just the 4 short years we've had, so I can't imagine how deep and different we will know love to be the longer we walk together.
God has been working in both of our hearts and over and over again I'm reminded of how blessed our marriage is. How incredibly thankful I am to have a man of God, who indeed will fail, but always gets back up. How amazingly patient, humble, and strong he is. And how great a leader of my heart and warrior for our family God has made him to be.

We lost our vows. They were left with the pastor, and neither of us had another copy. Getting married outside made it next to impossible to hear what we vowed to each other when watching the video. So we're left with the vague memories what what we wrote. But what I remember is the passion, and the specific words we chose to commit all of ourselves to the other and the pursuit of Christ.
How many times have I failed those vows, is probably not even countable. But the commitments and 'standards' we set up for our marriage were God breathed, and in that comes grace. Something I now know is one of the greatest blessings in our marriage.
I love Fletch from the depths of my heart, and I love knowing that it is only going to get greater. I love the man who gracefully handles my shortcomings and encourages me to be the wife, mom, and woman that God intended me to be. I don't like thinking of the ways I've wounded and failed him, but I suppose that these are inevitable to some degree in all relationships. But I love knowing that I can stand by his side, and be loved. To be by his side is something I treasure deeply, hoping that I can learn how to love, serve,and battle life with this man, in the ways God has intended us to do it, and with the fullness He created us to have.
The excitement and love is overpowering.

Resting

Lily is sitting on the floor making up songs.. to the tune of ABC's.. singing "I have Jesus in my heart".

The simple pleasures and joys in life are right before me. I've even been blessed with mandatory slow down time..Doc's orders of bed-rest have not put me quite in bed... thats not practical, but it's placed me sitting on the floor with my girls and pillows all day long. No laundry, food making, cleaning, grocery shopping,running around, just simply sitting and playing with them. Watching,learning, teaching, pretending, laughing, breaking up a squabble or three,its simple. Yet somehow challenging. Its very hard to stop. Just stop doing and doing. I realized how busy we are, I am, all day long getting things accomplished, and doing doing doing life. But this time of slowness, is good. I sit back and enjoy the luxurious blessings of a family.

Be Still and KNOW that I AM God.

But at the same time it is physically and mentally taxing. Pain is a constant companion, therefore taking a toll on the patients and attitudes of my heart towards my family.

BE still and KNOW that I AM GOD

The verse is the foundation of what I am to be. Still, relaxed body to add no additional pain or stress to myself or Sierrah, and KNOW.. he will provide me with the graces I need to do the daily life. Pain is a blessing. It allows complete reliance on Him, in all areas to get through.

And so I sit. The selfish part of me squirms as plans have drastically changed for the day, and for our week ahead. But I know, that I wasn't called to be selfish, I was called to serve and to love, to put aside my own desires. Again the Lord is reminding me that being a parent takes all of you. Everything I have, with an open hand and heart, to be willing to do what He wants with me.

My dearest daughter, who dances all day long, I am blessed to KNOW our God and to be STILL in Him with you, to keep you growing strong for as long as God has allowed me to be your first home.
To my beauty, Sierrah